There is one “master” resolution. Without it all your other resolutions cannot be carried out. The one ability you want to resolve to strengthen is Self Trust.
Self-trust is relying upon your inner resources (i.e. emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual) to achievedesired success and fulfillment. It enables you to stay steady and expand what you CAN control in this fast-changing world, rather than try in futility to change market conditions or other people.
Self trust is about believing in yourself , i.e., whether your efforts are worthwhile and will help you progresstowards the happiness and results you seek.
Self trust is about your ability to manage yourself, so that when it comes time to do the behavior you’ve said is healthy or constructive for you, you can get yourself to do it.
Self trust is about viewing yourself as worth treating well, i.e., that you are deserving of having the resultsyou are pursuing. This comes from seeing yourself as others see you, not through filters of self judgment.
You judge yourself because you think you will only be loveable to others or secure in your career if you live upto an ideal of perfection. Therefore you always compare yourself to this ideal, setting yourself up to fall short and beat yourself up.
Everyone, no matter who you are, has felt crunched in the past year or so. Some of us are feeling overwhelmed by the stresses, others of us are feeling resilient, knowing they will land on their feet no matter what. Resilient people are energized and taking action everyday to create opportunities and keep their relationships strong. Self trust is a key factor that determines how you will navigate through turbulent times.
How do you rate yourself on a 1-10 scale of Self Trust? What is your Resolution for how Self Trusting you want to be in 2010 and the upcoming decade?
Self trust is a learned skill. Here are some questions to aid your yearly review and an exercise to build self trust:
1) Build that self trust by spending time to review your year/your decade and making peace with it in yourself. Here
are some questions you can use to guide your review:
What are the trends?
In what ways are you proud of how you have grown, and contributed?
What are the behaviors and attitudes that continue to give you justification to beat yourself up?
What pledge do you make to yourself to change these behaviors? Why will your efforts to change this behavior be different this time? What will happen if you don’t make these self corrections? What will be possible for you if you do? What accountability will you build in?
Where can you accept yourself more and find workarounds for the things that are challenging for you?
Where can you accept the people you are close to even more, so that you no longer are disappointed and angered by the behaviors they repeat?
2) Check out this video I made (its old, we’ll all laugh at how different I look now!) It gives you a tool that will help you quickly build trust in yourself.
Please comment below and let me know how you build self trust.
Win the Battle With Your Inner Perfectionist At Work
I just found out that its “National Procrastination Week”. Who knew? I’m wondering who marshalled support in Congress to get this passed? But anyway, let’s take advantage of the attention on this widespread challenge and discuss strategies to take back the reins from the part of you that sets you up to procrastinate. There are many reasons for procrastination, but let’s focus on a common one today: Perfectionism.
How much time has your inner perfectionist been sucking from you lately? Here’s how to win the battle:
1) Get your Inner Perfectionist to have a little ’sit down talk’ with your Inner Bill Payer. Get everyone on board that in the short term and in the long term:
“Done makes more money than Perfect!”
2) Disabuse your Inner Perfectionist of the notion that it is omniscient and can read the mind of your prospects, clients, colleagues, and boss. Rather, explain to it that the best way to do a job that will please others is to put out a first iteration and get feedback on exactly what other people want from your deliverable. Then turn your deliverable around incorporating their feedback.
3) Make sure your Inner Perfectionist knows the value that you are being paid to provide. For example, I coached a small business in which the owner had a very high performing entry level analyst who would pull all nighters to get the numbers right to the 9th decimal point. However, the owner of the firm just wanted a percentage range so he could provide investment estimates to his clients. The analyst of course would come in trashed with exhaustion the next day – and not able to be at her best for her duties.
If you are being paid to be a detailed oriented perfectionist, then have at it! If not, you are doing yourself and everyone else a disservice. Know the value you are being paid to provide and be perfectionistic at providing that value!
4) Require your Inner Perfectionist to have a clear idea of the outcome you want to create before you start explaining what you want to other people. Otherwise, you will create resentment in the people you work with and decrease your ability to get highest quality work from them in the future
What are the challenges and successes you have had in the battles with your Inner Perfectionist? Leave them on the blog below
(Note: Til the end of this National Procrastination Week, I’ll also be tweeting links to my most popular blog posts on procrastination in case you missed them the first time around, get them at @drsharonmelnick). If you prefer to hear me talking about tips to move past procrastination via audio, go to www.sharonmelnick.com to get fr*ee excerpts of From Procrastination to Productivity: 25 Proven Techniques to Stop Procrastinating)