Do you ever have the experience where you are worried what is going to happen in the future? It’s not anything specific, or maybe it’s many specific challenges that are all adding up. You might even know your anxiety is ‘irrational’ but that doesn’t help!

Here are two approaches you can use to ‘think positive’ and get back into a state where you have ease and can concentrate.

Focus on the Moment

• Focus on the specific physical feeling you are having in your body, not on your thoughts. For example, say to yourself slowly, “I feel tension in my shoulders; I have a sinking feeling in my stomach.” Don’t focus on thoughts like, “What if I lose my job” or “I have so much to do”. Before 7 seconds have passed, you will notice a shift in the feeling in your body and breathing will come easier. Keep doing this a few times until the feeling of anxiety has passed.
• Focus on what you CAN control in the moment. Your thoughts tend to run wild towards worst case scenarios and what you can’t control. Try to pinpoint something specific you are worried about, and determine specifically what worries you about the situation. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to have more control over the outcome of this situation?” Action replaces fear.
• Train your body to get rid of fear. Do this exercise: Bring together the tips of the thumb and index finger and bring your hands up so they are in front of your chest facing away from you. You will breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Each time you breathe out, forcefully push your hands away from you like you are pushing away something you don’t want and blow out through your mouth. Then breathe in through your nose and bring your hands back towards your chest, with your elbows by your side. Do this exercise for 1-3 minutes and you will train your body to get rid of fear.

Take yourself out of the moment – Sometimes overfocusing on the moment keeps you stressed. Instead:

• Project yourself into the future. Picture yourself in the distant future, when this particular moment is insignificant and you have worked out your current problems. This ‘future’ version of your self has more perspective on your overall life than you do right now – ask it what the best way is to proceed in the current situation.
• Use distraction. Make the distraction productive: connect with other people, go outside in a natural environment that is soothing for your senses, do a breathing exercise, listen to music or a motivating talk. Don’t just numb out with an unmemorable surfing session on the internet or putter around at your desk. Probably the best distraction you can do is to be grateful for the problems that you have. Though it sounds trite, there are many people in the world whose problems are much worse than yours. I immediately think of a child I support in Africa barely living with running water, or a man I often see in the subway station who has no arms. It immediately gives me renewed appreciation for all that I have and then energizes me to do something with it. This works for a lot of people and may work for you too!

Here’s a link to a recording that previews the Success under Stress for Women program. We start the actual program next week so if you want to be more efficient at accomplishing work, have good concentration and energy all day long and sleep through the night, then don’t miss getting on the train that’s about to leave the station. Click here to find out more.

Here’s to you being positive when you are anxious!

Your assistant makes mistakes and has an attitude. You can’t get your colleagues to take you seriously and follow your ideas. Your boss uses a tone, changes his mind all the time, or doesn’t go to bat for you,

You and your spouse get stuck in communication dead-ends?  You have drama in your dating.  A family member continues to be needy and frustrating.

The best way to keep your relationships supportive of your goals and not distracting or draining is

DON’T REACT!

Reacting is your effort to try to get the person to stop being the way they are.  It lets the other person get you off track from who you want to be and the results you want to create. Reacting makes you lose time and you waste your focus being upset about what they did.

Of course you know you are not supposed to REACT, but its not always easy!

What makes it hard to not react is that your brain has evolved to respond in stressful interactions in ways that are unproductive.  It hijacks you to:

- Personalize: To respond you have to explain why the person acted the way they did.  You will ask yourself what does the other person’s behavior mean about me?   You might “put words in their mouth” and think they are saying you are “not good enough” or your job or client relationship is not secure.  You will worry about how the situation “will affect you”.

- Focus on the Problem:  Our nervous system evolved to respond protectively when large predators were running at us.    That’s why when someone is annoying, we tend to focus all our attention on getting them to stop acting the way that’s making us feel out of control (hint: rather than focusing on what you CAN control so you don’t have that panicky feeling of not having control)

- Negative Forecast:   To save energy and respond quickly, your brain will use shortcuts and default to well-worn grooves in your thinking.  You will believe the person is going to act the way they’ve “always” acted in the past (even if they don’t always act that way).   You will believe your worst fear will happen (e.g., homelessness, lose their love, feel forever guilty) and then act as if it already has.

The factor that causes you to have these unconstructive responses is feeling that things are “out of your control”.   The best antidote to not reacting is to control what you CAN control.

The first thing to do is get the thinking part of your brain back in charge, rather than the emotional part.  One way is through “Reverse Breathing”, in which you breathe slowly in through your mouth and out through your nose, experiencing a cooling sensation over your tongue.

Instead of Personalizing, try to genuinely explain the person’s behavior as stemming from their own limitations or from a “benefit-of-the-doubt” explanation of their motivations.

Instead of Focusing on them as the Problem, see the problem as part of an overall system that happened between the two of you, and focus immediately on generating solutions and ways to prevent it from happening in the future.

Instead of Negative Forecasting, focus on at least one thing YOU can do on your own (either in the moment or at a later time) to have control over preventing your worst case scenario.