How to Be Confident about What You’ve Accomplished
I’m back from lots of summer travel speaking and vacationing in Mexico, California, and Montana, (I’ll tell you about how I did a cattle drive and fly fishing in a future email…;-)
But first I wanted to share that I had a classic moment (or two or three or ten!) in which I ‘got in my own way’! I can’t wait to share with you so I could make the mistakes and let YOU profit by learning from them!
Here’s one: I was sitting around a table of top thought leaders and business owners in the health/wellness/personal development space. We are in a Mastermind that meets three times a year to support, learn, and grow together.
Some are ‘big names’ with big followings, and others are up-and-coming game changers. We go around the room reporting accomplishments in the last 6 months. Everyone is reporting HUGE wins.
My turn. All eyes on me. Truthfully, I didn’t feel I had accomplished ‘very much’.
For example, I’ve been putting together a program on Confidence for you that would also allow people who didn’t know me to find and learn from me through social media ads. Though the program is near and dear to me, I got caught up in other matters and stuck putting together the online pieces that were challenging for me to get to my team. I didn’t get it onto social media (or more importantly into your hands) so you could speak up, trust yourself, and reduce your self criticism.
So of course, I focused on what I didn’t do. And that’s what I reported to the group.
I could feel myself go weak. I vowed to myself that I would do better til we meet again.
Then there was a revolt in the room:
“What about the fact you wrote and published a best-selling book?
What about launching two Confident Influential Leader programs that led women leaders to getting promotions, seats at the table, and raises?
What about the fact that out of all of us in the room, the leaders of the group chose YOU to speak on their stage and you rocked the House?”
Oh. I didn’t even think of THOSE things. I only focused on what I hadn’t done. And I compared myself to what I SHOULD HAVE DONE and what THEY had done.
Do you ever have that disconnect between what you’ve done and how you feel about it?
Do you ever compare your private experience to others’ highlight reel? (Research on Facebook users suggests this makes you unhappy…)
In that moment I ‘got in my own way’ criticizing myself. I didn’t see myself as others see me.
How? I’ll break it down into 2 thinking errors so you’ll know how to turn it around like I did.
1. Devalue what YOU can do and Value what OTHERS can do
Because I was able to write a book and deliver a results-producing program I devalued the ability to do that. Because it came easy to me it ‘didn’t count’ as worthy (Even though other people think what I did is meaningful. It only means something if we can do what others do or what we think we should do.)
So I reminded myself to enjoy the activities I do everyday. I thought of how I love it when my fingers fly across the keyboard teaching you methods I learned in my medical school research – and being able to sign a book to an audience member who says “I need this!” (and realized if other people want to pay me to help them write their book its something valuable I can do).
I got a cheshire cat smile thinking of all the women leaders who used my ideas to gain responsibility and recognition (or remain calm in a situation that used to suck them under.)
It immediately re-energized me. And made want to get out there and do more.
Your takeaway: Build your business or your role around your core strengths and enjoy what you can contribute. Get paid the most for what comes easiest to you. Quantify your value to the organization and to your clients so you appreciate your impact.
2. Measure Forwards rather than Backwards
Ever think you are not doing “enough”? At our gathering, Dan Sullivan also spoke (He is the premier coach of entrepreneurs in the world) He showed how we typically measure our success against an “Ideal” big picture vision of the impact we want on our organization or the world. And when we do that we always fall short – because as soon as we get closer to the horizon line of our ideal, we extend the goal of our “ideal” result further away and bigger. So we are always looking forward toward an unreachable ideal and measuring our success by looking at the gap.
Guilty! I was making this mistake.
Instead he encouraged us to measure our success by looking behind us – the distance from where we started to where we are now. This is in line with a body of research which shows that appreciation for results and gratitude for others yield positive motivation and action that creates more success.
Most of us are running so fast that we move onto the next thing – we don’t “measure backward” by celebrating successes as we plan forward.
Your takeaway: Yes you perfectionists out there (takes one to know one!), listen up:
Instead of only focusing on the gap, be the one on your team to celebrating success. Start your client meetings by asking your clients to share successes. Always appreciate how far you’ve come in order to go farther.
If you know your level of confidence is holding you back and causing you stress, schedule a Confidence Accelerator consultation with me. We’ll make an action plan for fast and lasting confidence, so you will be ready to make the contribution you were put here to make.
Here’s to you Being Confident About What you’ve Accomplished,